52 People

I have formally decided to abbreviate the Crusade for Meaningful Connection. It will now be known as the CMC.

So, the CMC continues, this time I received a letter (and by letter, I mean email) from a reader, letting me know how 52 People has impacted their life and relationships. This one – from a member of a book club in Boston, Mass.

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A friend and I gathered for our monthly bookclub.  Bored with the selection of novels, biographies and self-help books available right now, we decided to “mix-it-up” and read your book ’52 People’.  As the first meeting of the new year, the topic intrigued us – we all value our relationships and the new year is a time of thinking about what is most important to us.

 Before the meeting gathered, the host of the month, sent us an email with the instructions for our meeting: “At first I thought we could each choose one of the ‘strangers’ to talk about. But then I thought, let’s all answer the questions together as a group…in celebration of getting to know each other better.” We wholeheartedly supported the idea!

 It’s interesting, being fairly new to this group of brilliant, warm and fun-loving women – I was absolutely curious.  I’ve wanted to get to know more about each and everyone of them.  This is perfect!  And then I thought - ooh…that means I have to tell them something that I’m ashamed of?  Gulp. My stomache did a bit of a flip.  And then I recovered by remembering, this is how we grow closer: When you share things that are deeper than the typical, surface, safe “cocktail” conversations, we let people in – see “all” of us (the good, the bad and the ugly)!

There were lots of jokes flying around the room when the ladies all finally arrived – “What are you afraid of?”  “What are you ashamed of?”  Some of us were clearly a bit nervous about asking to reveal something about ourselves that pushed us out of our comfort zones, our usual way of being together. We started with some easier questions, and with all of the stories, questions and laughter, it took us a while to get around the room. 

 Finally, someone dared go there -  It was a dear friend (who introduced me to this amazing group of women). She began sharing a story that clearly, by the tears in her eyes, held some shame. But it was something that ALL – every single one of us – could relate too. I acknowledged her for sharing her story and said that it reminded me that we are all human. 

 This friend, in her presentation, is someone who is always put together.  She’s gorgeous, successful, funny, kind - really she has it all!  I adore this woman, really, and I’ve always been grateful for our friendship.  But that day, I saw her in a new light.  Actually, I felt more love toward her and was overcome with a feeling of gratitude for her friendship.  I realized that I feel closer to her now, than I ever have.  Just through sharing a just little bit more…

 I will confess that I didn’t share my answer to the “what are you ashamed of” question.  Yup, I chickened out.  But here’s the deal – there is always another opportunity to connect.  My friend and I have decided to continue to ask one of the questions during each book club meeting until we get through all 10. 

I think something opened up in some of us…or unleashed a yearning for more meaningful connection that was really already there. It’s always just under the surface and 52 People has opened up the door for us to continue reaching down.

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I’m grateful for those who continue to send me their updates and contribution to the CMC. Your journeys inspire me, so keep them coming! Email me, keep sharing them so you can inspire others through your challenges, growth and connections.

Gratefully yours,

J

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Knocking of the edges

I was at a presentation in downtown Calgary the other day where the speaker presented on  the profession of coaching. During the presentation, the facilitator showed a video of her father standing on the beach. He picked up a smooth round stone off of the sand and began to tell a story that went something like this…

“This stone has been here for millions of years. It used to be a jagged piece of stone but over time the waves have washed over top of it, knocked it into other stones and worn down the edges. This is a lot like like and the relationships we have with others. I’ve been on this planet for around sixty years and each person I connect with in life knocks of some of the edges off me. I’ll be doing this for the rest of my life in hopes I become somewhat polished like this little stone.”

His explanation was brilliant. We are all born jagged rocks that will, unless with constant meaningful contact with others, remain jagged for most of our lives. When we open up to the opportunities that lie in being tossed into one another through the waves of life, we begin to lose the edginess in ourselves and develop our awareness. Hiding from the waves is exhausting and ultimately futile. Making a bit of a mess through colliding with others, we gain experience and wisdom. By letting the next wave send us hurling forward, we take the next step of knowing ourselves and those around us a little bit better.

Thank you for sharing that video Kerry!

Crusade for Connection volume 1

I’ve been extremely grateful to receive emails from those who have read the blog/book to share with me the inspiring connections and realizations they have experienced as a result of 52 People.

Over the next few weeks, or however long these messages keep coming in (hopefully a long-long time , I will be sharing the experiences with you. I’d also love to hear about your experiences so the Crusade for Meaningful Connection can continue with your help.

Yours in Connection,

Jayson (email me)

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Dear Jayson,

I still remember the day you called to tell me that my friend and your best friend Dallas had passed away. I was working out of town and was not going to be able to make it to his funeral. At the time I was sad at his passing and disappointed in myself that I hadn’t spent more time with him before his death. What neither of us realized was the chain of events his passing would spark off. Where Dallas’ passing inspired you to start 52 people, it was 52 people that inspired me to weed out the “strangers” in my own life.

This is why I wanted to share with you the story I’ve included below. When I thought about the biggest “strangers” in my life, I thought about my Grandparents. Not only did they live in some of the hardest times, but also the most interesting ones of the last one hundred plus years, and as their generation is apt to do, they don’t often share their experiences.

For his 89^th birthday I took my Grandfather out for pannekoeks (Dutch Pancakes). I intentionally kept our group very small (I only invited my sister) in the hopes that I could find out more about whom exactly this man I’d known my whole life, really was.

This is the incredible story I found out about my Grandfathers life…

On May 15^th, 1940 at just 19 years old my grandfather woke up early to sneak back to the Dutch Army encampment from a nearby farmhouse where he and a few fellow medics had managed to find more comfortable lodging. Unlike other mornings however, they weren’t able to sneak back into camp just before breakfast and continue with their day. Instead they ran into a couple of jeeps full officers hurriedly heading in the opposite direction. One jeep stopped only long enough to let them know that the Netherlands had surrendered to the Germans, the army had been disbanded and that if they could find their way to the coast of France, there would be transport for them to England where they could regroup and be redeployed.

So he started walking, and didn’t stop for over two months. With no more than the clothes on his back and the few supplies in his pack, he walked through the Netherlands, Belgium and eventually made his way to the coast of France. He begged and stole eggs and vegetables from one farm and would walk a few miles down the road to get another farm to cook them for him. He had to wash his clothes and bathe in the rivers along the way and every night he had to find somewhere warm and dry to make camp.

As my Grandfather sat there sharing his story he would periodically stop, eyes glazing over with the memories of 70 years earlier before he would continue. One of the points he belaboured the most was the fact that as he and his friends walked towards their goal, they never knew who they could trust. As was the law in the Netherlands, prisons were emptied and prisoners repatriated after the surrender to Germany.

All his life my Grandfather had lived in a small village. At the age of 12 he lived with the community baker as an apprentice. He knew everyone and had never had cause to mistrust any of his neighbours. Now they had to sleep with one eye open, never knowing if those around them were friendly locals or mass murderers.

My Grandfather and his fellow soldiers eventually made it to the coast of France where they were put on a ship and given 2 packages of cigarettes, a cup of tea, a sandwich and some rum. Despite his safe arrival, the physical and mental strain of this journey is one my Grandfather has never forgotten.

After spending several months in England where he met his future wife, he spent the next 4 years in the Dutch West Indies. On his way home, he received leave in New York while awaiting a different ship from the Netherlands to come and take him back to England. He was put up in a hotel in Times Square and given a wool Canadian Forces uniform -it was the warmest they had.  Being the middle of January and having nothing more than t-shirts and shorts of his own, it was a welcome addition to his wardrobe. This is the uniform that he wore for his wedding (being the nicest uniform he had ever owned) and also planted the seed for his eventually immigration to Canada in the early 1960’s.

Unfortunately our time ran out and our meals grew cold as we chatted for almost 3 hours in the pannekoek haus. While we have not talked so openly about his past since then, we have definitely become closer and I feel like I’ve gained tremendous insight into who my Grandfather really is. Now at the age of 91 I realize just how precious this gift really is and I will always be thankful to you for 52 people and the challenge to improve my life through connection with the “strangers” in my life.

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